Keep On Keeping On

I was nearing my breaking point, and I knew it. It had been over a week since we went into hiding from this invisible virus that is spreading like wildfire. We left the house very seldom to get things we needed or to exercise. We kindly declined social gathering invites and basically hunkered down. 

I was glued to the TV newscasts, in horror at what I was seeing and hearing about all the death around the world, lack of toilet paper and other essentials, and the level of contagiousness this virus had. Something had to give.

I was a ball of nerves, fearful for my little asthmatic, and thinking about all the what-ifs that could possibly go wrong with each and every member of my family facing this with uncertainty about the future. 

I couldn't make myself do much, I sat or walked around in a daze so worried about all the things on my mind, but telling myself to have faith, trust, not to worry. But as much as I told myself that it would all be OK, my doubt would creep in, nearly drowning me in the process. 

Monday of week two, I headed to the school. We met as teachers, keeping our distance as much as possible and talking about what this whole distance learning think should look like. 
I decided I needed to give all this worry a rest. To let it go. To face the fact that my worry, my fear, my irrationalness in all this was transferring to my own daughter, keeping her up at night wondering if she or the people she loved would survive this pandemic. Hearing her words, "I wish I could die and come back when all this is over" hung around my shoulders weighing me down with helplessness. It was a turning point, watching her struggle. I knew I had to muster some normalcy for her...for us both. Be strong for the two of us. Quit watching the news so much, it was quite frankly scaring her as much as it was scaring me.

I determined that I would wake up. Read, play, draw, and have fun just being with my babies. I would take time to slow down, enjoy this moment we've been given, and really take time for my kids. 

We drew on sidewalks (and watched how if affected others walking by...the best), baked, did art projects, played board games, and enjoyed each other. I went to bed on time, and slept the best I have in days...with no tossing or turning for hours. I even slept in. And you know what? The Earth went on without me worrying about it. And I woke up happier and refreshed. 

I know worry may creep in again, but I'm ready to push it down. I will treasure these days as a gift that I have been given and spend time loving on my family and doing things that I don't normally get to do in the hustle and bustle of real life. 

Next week we will begin teaching online and also doing homeschool. That will be a new challenge, but for now everyone is excited about learning from home and this new adventure. So, here's to today's adventures, tomorrow's adventures, and to the future! Cause it's gonna be O.K.